Norman Rockwell, Barney on Crack, And other stuff

Ok, let me fill you all in on what has been happening to me. I am not sure if you can tell but I am making this post at 5:47am so if my spelling is off or I don't make any sense you know the reason why. Let us begin:

I went to the Midwest a couple of weeks ago and I had a blast! I don't know I think the North might have some competition for favorite destination. As you all know I love being spoiled and those Midwestern gentleman know how to get to my heart....just feed me. I didn't get a chance to sample their world renown BBQ but don't worry I will on the next trip. As I was leaving Kansas City and heading toward Omaha I noticed how beautiful it was out there. I stopped off in a little town named "Cameron" I am serious I am not making it up. The people were so nice and friendly it was something out of a Norman Rockwell painting small town America all it needed was a John Melloncamp song playing in the background. As I continued on my drive I noticed the vast farm lands of corn, beans, soy beans, maybe even lettuce. It got me thinking: is this what Truman Capote saw when he wrote In Cold Blood all of these fields of amber waves of grain. By the way that is a very good book to read, very graphic very detailed. Before I grow up I am going to get in my car and travel all across this country.

Now this past week I was up in Albany,NY attending one of my soroity sister's wedding. Now if you can't hear the joy and happiness in my voice it is because well to simply put it I hated the wedding. Let me describe this tacky affair to you. First off neither one of them has any money but they wanted the Princess Diana wedding. Then she had the nerve to pick out the ugliest dresses she could find. I think she went to the bridal salons and said give me something you wouldn't bury your worst enemy in. My dress was this dark dark purple taffeta with ruffles on the collar that gathered at the waist and it was tea length. I looked like Barney on Crack!!! If there is a picture of me in that dress I will pay any amount of money to get it back. But that is not the worst of it...did I mention I had matching dark dark purple shoes and ribbons in my hair. Yes, I said ribbons in my hair. But wait that is not the worst of it. My escort for this lovely affair was a nice gentleman who suffered from chronic body order and rotten teeth. Now I know that I am not the prize at the county fair (especially in that dress), but if I knew that my teethe were rotting I wouldn't be smiling and trying to kiss everyone. Yes, you guessed it he tried to kiss me. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he got a little tipsy off of the sparkling wine and didn't know any better. I am going to put a moratorium on attending weddings for the remainder of the year.

To make matters worse I didn't get upgraded on my flight back home. I had to sit in coach; I felt like I was being punished, as if to say attending that wedding wasn't punishment enough. I told you I was spoiled! Then I had to wait 25 minutes for my bag and when I finally got my luggage I was stuck in traffic trying to get home. Do you feel sorry for me yet? On the bright side no one talked to me on the plane and I was able to get some sleep.

I am home now, waiting for Tropical Storm Ernesto to pass then I will be off to New Orleans. I hope all is well everyone and I will be posting soon.

Smooches,
Cameron